Random Ramblings...

When you're gone...

2007-09-07T03:12:00.000+05:30

When you're gone
Noone will take the place u left behind

When you're gone
I dont know what to do

When you're gone
My memories long for you

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone
My ears long for the voice they are always wanting to hear

When you're gone
My mind is always deceiving me

When you're gone
The face that my eyes know is missing too

When you're gone
noone seems to be talking to me

When you're gone
The words i need to hear to make my day fine are evading me

When you're gone
Is the most lonely that i ever feel

When you're gone
I get lost searching for you

When you're gone
Love transforms to a word from an emotion

When you're gone
I seem to have no plan to get you back

When you're gone
I miss being myself all day long

But its time i face the truth
that i'll never be with you...

hmmmmmmmmm

2007-09-03T19:48:00.000+05:30

It was just one of those weeks when all you tend to do is deeply introspect all the things happening in your life and realise with a deep sigh that all those not-so-nice temporary things are actually pretty bad in the long run.

The last few days before this week were going pretty fine..Office was hectic, but i was managing my MBA application essays and stuff by waking uptill the wee hours..something that i am pretty used to by now...Is this my strength that i can fit into my essays!!! But then suddenly i start falling back into my past and the depths of what had to be left untouched.. Dont blame me!! The MBA essays are such that they require you to introspect...the only thing that i did wrong is digress... Anyways i'm used to handling stuff..and i did...but the thing that bothered me the most was that my life currently also seems to be heading towards the disaster of what had happened earlier...and i just dont know how to stop it..

I'm away from the few people who care for me...they have got used to living without me...and all i do is play a cameo in there life's story right now..My frnds circle constantly changes which i hate totally. I am not accustomed to it either.. I have a relationship that seems to be fading...i just keep getting more busy with the never-ending stuff at office and all the rest of the time goes into my applications..With hardly any time to spare, i wonder where we'r heading to?? I wish u hang on and things stay as they are now...

I dont understand why the sudden and unexpectedly very happy and gala weekends end up me feeling like this..Is the flood of happiness experienced for those couple of hours worth the days of depressing thoughts that keep flying into my head and seem to bounce perennially inside. It seems there is nothing like the coefficient of friction inside me..What a PJ!!! If you laughed looking at this then something is def wrong with you...and i laughed *Sigh* Dont worry...this must be another stupid PJ of mine!!

Question 1) I dont understand what i am doing in Chennai??
Question 2) Why have i not asked the first question earlier??
Question 3) Why do i end up having only long distance relationships?? Cant i get to have someone i love near me??
Question 5) Why am i struggling soo hard for the promotion that has already been rejected by my manager?? Why do i not remve myself from this phase of self torture of writing java code all day when i have an over enthusiatic team mate who would want to finish up all the coding assignments of Cognizant if she could?

Maybe i'm thinking a lot...many people always ask me not to...but i end up doing this all the time..but i guess the catalyst this time was the Vodka i had for the weekend!!! (Just tried to end a dull and depressing post on a bright and funny note...but re-reading it makes me feel it sucks anyways...just like the title)

iNtRoSpEcTiOn

2007-08-17T15:03:00.000+05:30

Yes, its been a long time..since i've added anything meaningful or substantial here..Not that i didn have anything to write, i just didn have any time..After my GMAT (yesss!!!! i cracked it, despite all the things that tried pulling me down) whenever i close my eyes and think about myself the only images of myself that come to me are those of the things that i do in office..coding, coding and more coding..Fortunately or unfortunately i have moved from the role of a documenter to that of a programmer.

Moving on..I've been wanting to learn more dance..Salsa was awesome..and i want more..Many people, including my mom ask me why..Just one reason.."I LOVE DANCING"..and this is one thing that keeps me human, amidst the hectic schedule and never-ending deliverables.Also, this is an activity where i get to meet people from various walks of life and i've made many acquiantances. I had never realised a thing till very recently.About 95% of my frnds are engineers :-O. This number might look staggering on the face of it, but this has gota lot to do with the fact that i was more open to the relation called frienship after my schooling. I dont regret that because even though i might have had a handful of friends then, they were the best i could have. Now, i guess with the changing times, even the meaning and the context of a relationship has changed drastically..Earlier it used to take people weeks or even months to know the people in the same locality and today people make friends in chatrooms, orkut, facebook...I have no problem with any of those means if the underlying values of the relation are what they ought to be. I know i've digressed ay too much in this post. This is what happens when you are out of touch with writing.

Coming back to me..Right now i'm just browsing through different schools that i had considered joining..and the more i seem to research the schools the more i get confused about making a choice..Apart from that there are loads of other things that have to be taken care of..Unfortunately and fortunately the selection process at the international b-schools is very different from the procedure followed in India. Unfortunately coz i can get rejected by all the schools i apply to despite having an excellent GMAT score. Fortunately coz i can beat the strongest of the applicants with a greater and superior work-ex by writing really good essays and applying early. The only thing that i like is the fact that the schools admit people, not the scores, which is not the case in India.
I hope i can get a bit more selective about the schools i'd like to join so that i can concentrate my energies on those schools instead of just publishing essays and sending them to all the schools. One thing i am sure of...i'm def gonna apply to one among Harvard/Stanford/Wharton..I know my chances are next to zero, if not null in making it to these schools, but i'd like to find that out.. Someone has very rightly said " Only people who dont need the brand of H/S/W are the one's who get admitted". Now, i'd like to find out what happens to people who desperately want a brand like that to their profile.

Signing off for now...More laters, if i get the time that is..

P.S: People who regularly read my blog, might find this post..esp the last but one para a bit out of place..But it is there for the right reasons: someone will benefit from them.

Oye Pappe!!!

2007-07-02T16:51:00.000+05:30

A couple of friends had gone to Delhi. They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old sardar, and boys being boys, they began cracking sardarji jokes, just to insinuate the old man. But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed.

At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid up the hire-charges. The sardar returned the change. Moreover, he gave each one of them one rupee extra and said( in Hindi , of course) ''son, since morning you have been telling sardarji jokes. I listened to them all and let me tell you, some of them were in a very bad taste. Still, I don't mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to see the world. But I have just one request. Here I am giving you one rupee each. Give it to the first sardar beggar that you come across in this city."

After several days, my friends still had that one rupee coin with them. they couldn't find a single sardar begging on the streets of Delhi.

Food For Thought: The point i'm trying to make is though we all love sardar jokes, but we ought to respect the fact that Sikhs are one of the most prosperous and diversified communities in the world. The secret behind their universal success, according to me , is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication.. A sardar will drive a truck or set up a roadside garage or a dhaba, but he will never beg on the streets.

So, next time you crack a joke on any sardar or forward a mail full of Pj's about them... Do so and enjoi it too but are you just going to pass a joke or a long forwarded mails of sardar jokes, or are you even going to try and bring your own community on par with theirs?

Btw, Happy Birthday Subbu

I wanted to wish u earlier, but by the time i reached office today it was way past 2 for you...and i've been trying to call u from office, but its not going thru..anyways will try agan before i leave for home..I went to ur Orkut profile, only to find every other tom, dick and harry wishing u there...not wanting my wishes to get lost amidst all that spamming, i'm wishing you here :-) (this spamming is another reason why i dont post my bday on orkut)

My b'day

2007-06-27T16:15:00.000+05:30

I’m not the kind of person who has big bashes and grandiose celebrations for a b’day, but I’m also not the kind who can bear all the weird things happening in and around and act as if everything’s just fine and things are going great. I need people around me..I need good friends..I don’t know where and when it all started to go wrong, but the number of people on my list of friends has plummeted to an all time low, my social presence is almost Nil and the progress towards my targets is nothing short of zilch.

If I could just go back and change…WTF!!! I’ve not lived all long just to keep going back…
I don’t want to go back…I just want to know why the people who were so close have suddenly moved so far away…I don’t even seem to understand them anymore.. in fact it feels a bit weird talking to the same guys.. they no longer sound the same.. but who is to be blamed.. I would readily accept all of it if things could be set right again (I know they can be)..Its not like when I go to hyderabad, I acccidently bump into them at some mall or movie and we feel like stangers..I call them up and we talk as if everythng is normal and going great..but we just never spend time together..actually we do, but its soo less..and i just love those moments...In fact whatever time I’ve spent with them in Hyd has been totallyamazing…and I know the times we spend together will always be memorable and fun-filled…

But, its just that they are all soo held up all the time..they just tend to forget me as soon as i step out of Hyd..i become a nobody till my next trip..some even don’t have the time to pick up my calls..let aside returning my calls..They always have some excuses for not meeting me..for not staying in touch..for not doing small thngs…only if I were more important for them to make me as a reason than use an excuse against me (this sentence is grammatically wrong..but I am soo bugged with sentence correction that I wantedly make mistakes in a word document and feel happy when MS word fails to detect them..)

I realized this yesterday evening when I was all alone, not knowing what to do..I have had the most boring and the most uneventful b’day’s of my life this year..No gifts, no cakes..no treats…My life is soo monotonous that sometimes I feel that I am stuck in a recursive for loop perennially.. I need a break;

@Harini: Thanks a lot for going out and celebrating my bday…I don’t mind that u didn call back..but in the 53 seconds conversation that we had yesterday evening, you had more enthusiasm than I had it in my entire day…How was the Chinese khana btw??

@Goks: Thanks a lot for ur profile and messages on orkut (thanks to orkut too)

@Rajni: I’m sorry to be so unfair with you…I know how u wanted yday to be and everything just turned out the opposite…Sorry again..but you don’t have a choice but put up with me anyways..”I am like this only” :P

@Rest: Thanks a lot for calling up and wishing me…and sorry for sounding soo low and weird (I have a throat infection which makes me sound like HR I guess)

2007-06-21T14:09:00.000+05:30

2007-06-03T19:51:00.001+05:30

Long time...no see..and my blogs been lonely...feeling lost in the neverending cyber world..

Many Happy returns of the day Rajni...Hope u have a wonderful time this year (i know we will :P) and ur life is filled with happiness like never before..Take care and try to meet me asap..Love ya...

I was thinking...If Spiderman comes down to India from New york (coz me thinks India needs a superhero more than any other nation)...then...when he's on the way to fight..he'd get entangled in the myriad electrical wires and be electrocuted.. :=))

More laters... Keep smiling (all those who still take the time to read this space)..

The life i live...

2007-02-16T18:49:00.000+05:30

2006-10-10T15:13:00.000+05:30

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill.
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns.
And many a fellow turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man.
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup.
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar.
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

I’ll make everything all right....

2006-05-13T14:10:00.000+05:30

And I stood there, wondering why,
What I had done and what made you cry,
Sometimes, I feel very absurd,
Why do u have to be so touchy
Why the heartbreak when you know
Your tears mean more than my blood..

Sometimes, you make me think,
Why is it that you love me so,
For I am nothing but a normal guy,
And you are like an angel from up above,
People don’t see the real you, coz they don’t know
You have a side of ur own, a side that you rarely show
And they hurt and torment you,

All I really want to do,
Is take the love you brought my way,
And give it right back to you.
Coz I cant stand to see you sad
I cant bear to hear you cry
I’ll make everything all right for you
And I’ll love you for my whole life through

5 Point Somethings..

2006-04-28T19:30:00.000+05:30

Tagged by Harini, and i just couldn say 'no'..So here it goes..Keep reading.

Five people on my shit list:

1)******* . The person who hacked my previous blog, and has been trying desperately to create numerous problems in my life
2) All those bloody politicians who keep ruining this country.
3) George Bush..
4) Promoters of any kind of racial/ caste or any kind of discrimination. According to me everything in the world can be classified only under ‘living’ and ‘non living’
5) waiting to be filled... :P

Five guilty pleasures:

1) Ice cream.. loads of it (btw I’m not even guilty about this)
2) Watching Tom and jerry.. I know I’m grown up but some cartoons are just too good to miss out on..
3) Having night out’s with friends… and just freaking out..
4) Driving fast, real fast…(esp when u aren’t sure where ur heading to)
5) Going and spending time on the beach late in the night.

Five things I never want to forget:

There are many more things that I wanted to write here…but anyways shall stick with 5

1) My Best friend… U shall always be remembered and cared for, no matter what u say, think or feel about this
2) The project that I had been a part of when I was in my engg 2nd year.. Had an awesome time, night outs, hard work, team work, movies(ok this wasn’t a part of the plan but who cares..)and to top it up we won the First Prize too. This is what I call cherry on the cake
3) That I am the topper of my College and I am the Best..
4) My first Pay Check
5) That no matter who you are, what u think and what you feel doesn’t matter unless U do something about it.

Five things I wish to forget:

1) All those break up’s and fall outs that I’ve had for reasons that weren’t strong enough. If past could be re written…..hmmm..
2) Failures.. I’d like to forget the failures and only learn the lesson that it has taught me.. Somehow, I feel failure is too big a price you pay for the lesson it teaches you
3) Losing some/ many people who mean soo much to me (yes they still do..)
4) That there was a time not so long ago when I was not at all needed by anyone. That’s one of the worst feelings you can have..
5) Anger, Hatred

Five exotic dishes I've tried:

1) Titanic…@Havemore ..this will be one of the all time fav of mine..
2) Death By Choclate ..dunno where
3) The Pani Puri and the Samosa Radga @Bombay Chat.. not exotic dishes, but the fact that me Hit and Derek used to go there soo very often, makes it very special.
( I still wonder how the shop next to it manages to meet the ends?? Right Hit and Derek)

4) Anything @Gokul Chat… I miss the late night visits to this place..Used to race away on the bikes to this place around 1 A.M that too during exams season..
5) That’s it… I can survive without great exotic food, but its difficult to survive without good company..

Five loves of my life (not necesarily in that order):

1) Mom ..(Ur the Bestest Mom ever)
2) My Gal… ;-) (Waiting for ya…)
3) My friends..(only the real true one’s)
4) Music, Dance, books
5) Writing.. (Someday I’ll write a book.and I’m gonna name it “Words Of Silence”)

Strangest Dream:

I’ll like to write another post about this sometime…so wait for it till then…

Five most valued possessions:

1) Freedom
2) Memories
3) All my friends
4) Kaddu’s letters
5) Other things…actually there are a lot many..i give them the 5th position..

Five favorite superheroes:

1) Me.. Hee hee..i once had a dream that I had become a combo of Superman and He-man.
2) The soldiers of the nation.
3) Napoleon
4) King Arthur
Only 4 in this list here….

Five preferable modes of suicide:

I have nothing much to say here, but I always wanted to die for a reason. When we can live a life of meaning and reason, why not die for one too..Everyone will have to die someday, there is no such thing as immortal and there isn’t anything like ‘End’ either.. I believe death is also a part, infact more of a phase of life, not an end of life as most people put it as.. and if one day I find out that there isn’t anything in my life that’s worth dying for, for me that’s a good enough reason to stop living..

Close brushes with death/danger:

Many, just too many times I’ve been so close to danger, too many times I’ve been a part of an accident, burnt up my hand, sprained my ankle hundreds of times, and the list goes on…
Death…well, once when I was a kid I had fallen off the balcony of my building, luckily there was lotsa mud down there to reduce the impact, else I wouldn’t have been tagged today…

Pondering...

2006-04-24T16:04:00.000+05:30

“Its fate !!U cant change it, accept it and move on” but I just cant move on with life, just live it as it comes along, keep gathering fallen pieces of happiness here and there when I know that I’m worthy of more. I cant just see time changing my life in front of my eyes as I stand there inebriated by the doses of consoling I get from people. If Life’s a battle then destiny is the enemy, if you don’t fight it and act like an amicable, lively, servile follower you are screwing up yourselves. Its your life, u should decide the way things go in your life..it is you and solely you who ought to choose the people who’d be a part of your life..it is you who should have some control on your future, its not necessary that you succeed in every endeavor that you undertake.. but atleast show up a decent enough fight or resitance against the so called destiny to lead a life that you truly want, to get something that u think you deserve… coz if you don’t, then who will??

How many people have you seen who have had a rough and a so called hard life?? How many people you have seen to whom life seemed to be unfair?? How many tragedies have you heard of happening to people around you?? How many times have you been shocked to hear something ‘bad’??
How many times have you been the victim??
How many times have you thought of someone as a brave person coz he’s/she’s survived so many things, undergone soo much grief, been through soo much in his/her life?? I have come across quite a few people who say “I’m over it now”, “ That was my past, now I’m living in my present and I live in today”, “That was an episode in my life that had to happen, but I’m out of it now and am ready to start all over again”

Now will anyone tell me how does a person start all over again??? Coz for me the start has already been made, u can never ever go and change any f**king thing about it. One more thing astounds me, Why does anyone want to forget the past?? Just coz its bad?? How many people would want to forget or let go of their past even if it was happy?? Noone would even get a thought about doing something even close to that.. but just coz you haven’t got something that you badly wanted from life in the past makes you want to erase the part of your life that you stemmed from.. Unfair, very unfair..(And they say life’s unfair)
Fight your best to get what you want, but never be ashamed of your past, never try to break away from it.. Remember, You are today what you are coz you were someone yesterday..
Stop running away from yourself, turn and look around once in a while, embrace your past and take it with you in your journey of life…and one fine day when you turn back and look at the life you have led, you’ll realize that you are special and it’s all worth if (coz noone has a life like yours), coz you wouldn’t have seen yourself as you are now even if a single thing would’ve changed its course..There are people who will disagree but I believe that its better to fight for a cause or for something/someone than just die someday without knowing why u lived at all

Memories are special, its like a one time investment which promises returns for a lifetime..

2006-04-04T12:23:00.000+05:30

and still i walk alone...

And i choose not to love you anymore..

2006-03-27T17:36:00.000+05:30

I am oxygen that some will never breath,
yet the euphoria found in suffocation.
I am love that some will ever embrace,
yet the delight found in heartbreak.
I am strength that some will never use,
yet the victory found in weakness.
I am the food that some will never eat,
yet the peace found in starvation.
I am dreams that some will never see,
yet the satisfaction in sleplessness.
I am life that some will never live,
yet the oblivion found in death.

I am everything that u want me to be,
but i am not myself anymore...

There are people i know do not care for me anymore, if they ever really cared for me in the true sense.I Shall never know if what was earlier was really true or the picture that i see now is the real one.. but the fact remain "U were never there for me, when i really needed someone to be with me the most. U were never really bothered to find out how i was,what was i going through.U got all the signals that i needed to meet you, i needed to talk and say things to you, but u made your choices, and now i make mine.."

"Actions always mean more than words, actions cant be faked, words can be played around with".

Saying all this doesnt matter anymore, but i just couldn keep it to myself..It just had to come out. Please dont ask me what all this is about.. 'Silence' is and will be my only reply..

I have a new Boss...

2006-03-24T11:38:00.000+05:30

[13:54] Me: plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz gimme one chance....
[13:54] She: nahi never
13:55] She: do u promise to do all my work?
[13:55] Me: ok i'll try my best
[13:56] Me: now can u be my boss???
[13:56] She: and ur salary will be Rs.100 per month
[13:56] Me: no i want 110
[13:56] She: nahi no way
[13:56] Me: plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
[13:56] She: 100 else ure not hired
[13:57] Me: ok ok...105..this will be fine naa...
[13:57] She: 10Rs increment after 1 yr
[13:57] Me: i want 105....else..
[13:57] She: nahi i cant decid tht...hr will...but i say NO
[13:57] She: thik hai 105
[13:58] Me: ok boss...when can i go onsite???
[13:58] She: after 10 yrs
[13:59] Me: 10 yrs???
[13:59] She: haan
[13:59] Me: what if i show remarkable performance..can i go earlier than that then???
[14:00] She: maybe in 9 and a half yrs
[14:00] She: no less than tht
[14:00] Me: nahin i wanna go in 9 yrs...
[14:00] She: noooooooooooooooooooooo
[14:00] Me: u see i cant waste time...
[14:00] She: i cant compromise on everything
[14:00] Me: u want me to wait 6 months more..
[14:00] She: as it is i'm giving u too much sal
[14:00] Me: 9 yrs is ok...lekin 9 yrs 6 months..
[14:01] Me: outrageous[14:01]
[14:01] She: nahi 9 yrs 6 months
[14:01] She: join if u want
[14:01] She: else go
[14:01] Me: ok ok..cool down boss
[14:01] She: ;-)
[14:01] Me: y do u talk abt going :-(
[14:02] She: hmmm
[14:03] Me: ok, how many leave's can i take in a year???
[14:03] She: 2
[14:03] Me: ....say the number after 2
[14:04] She: 2 leaves per yr
[14:04] She: thts all
[14:04] Me: only 2???
[14:04] She: n u have to work on saturdays also
14:04] Me: aiela
[14:04] She: half day
[14:04] She: on sat 10am - 2pm
[14:04] Me: is this a school???
[14:05] She: weekdays - 9am - 9pm
14:05] Me: btw... on which platform i will work on??
[14:05] Me: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
[14:05] She: 1 hr lunch Brk
[14:05] Me: 9 to 9
[14:05] Me: :O
[14:05] She: haan
[14:06] She: u'll work on batch processing systems...we dont have enough funding for computers
[14:06] Me: hmmm.. if i finish my work early sometime, can i take u out for dinner???
[14:06] She: in ur 105Rs salary?
[14:06] She: i dont think so
[14:07] She: road pe khaayenge kya??
[14:07] Me: wont i get a 'dating' allowance???
[14:07] She: if u perform well for 5 yrs, u'll get an extra allowance of Rs.50 per month
[14:07] Me: hmmm.....
[14:08] Me: btw what were u saying abt the work.. and platform...
[14:08] She: batch processing systems
[14:08] She: no modern computers
[14:09] Me: hey..
[14:09] Me: i have experience only in one platform...
[14:09] She: ?
[14:09] She: which one?
[14:10] Me: Railway
[14:10] She: haan tho coolie ka kaam de doo??
[14:11] Me: :-(
[14:11] Me: i had got a promotion 2 yrs back from that post
[14:11] She: acchhaaaaaaaa
[14:11] Me: yaa...
[14:11] She: abhi kya karte ho?
[14:11] Me: its a very loooong story....
[14:11] Me: abhi...i outsource that
[14:12] She: hmmm
[14:12] Me: so i started getting along in comp's
[14:12] She: dekh dont waste my time...do u want the job or not?
[14:12] Me: lemme tell u my strengths
[14:13] Me: suno na suno naa sun loo naa..( i can sing too )
[14:14] She: ok can u operate batch proc systems?
[14:14] Me: i dunno what that is.. but i can learn...i am a very fast learner..
[14:14] Me: i learnt sending mails in only 2 months...
[14:14] Me: amd i have successfully sent 100 mails so far
[14:15] She: hmmm
[14:15] Me: now temme what do u think?? can i go onsite after 9 yrs???
[14:15] She: so now i know u wil be wastin lot of my company's bandwidth
[14:15] She: with ur emails
[14:15] She: :X
[14:15] Me: noo...
[14:16] Me: i will use the net only from the govt library, where net is free for all
[14:16] Me: i go there everyday
[14:16] She: haan thik hai...but stil 9.5yrs no reduction in tht
[14:16] Me: and u know that librarian likes me a lot...she's a huge fan of me...
[14:17] She: why r u tellin me these stories?
[14:17] Me: she takes my autograph everyday before i leave.. have u ever met sucha a fan before???
[14:17] She: yaar kahaniyaan mat suna
14:17] Me: to show that i have good inter personal skills also
[14:17] She: i only need u to operate batch systems...no interaction with other ppl
[14:18] Me: hmmm....
[14:18] Me: ok madam... is there anything else that i need to know???
[14:18] She: when can u join us?
[14:19] Me: Hmmmmmm.....When i come there.
[14:19] She: u'll have to join on that day itself
[14:19] She: no delays
[14:20] Me: ok..i'll join u on the railway station itself
[14:20] She: no come down to our office
[14:20] Me: hmmm...
[14:20] Me: do i need to start workin on that day itself??
[14:21] She: yes..u'll have a 1hr training
[14:21] Me: madam ji...ther is a small problem
[14:21] Me: i have a frnd, and i need to meet her on that day itself..
[14:22] She: u can meet after 9pm
[14:22] Me: after 9 PM...she would mind probably...
[14:22] Me: i hope u understand
14:22] She: ok i'll let u go at 8pm
[14:22] Me: i will work overtime and make up for the lost hrs of work
[14:23] She: haan thik hai
[14:23] She: 8pm
[14:23] Me: and i will have my lunch break for 3 hrs...
[14:23] She: no way..our gates r locked everyday til 9pm
[14:23] She: u cant go out
14:23] Me: i'll jump out..
[14:23] Me: thats another of my speciality
[14:23] She: nah...we have electocuted walls...
[14:24] Me: i will drink red bull, it'll gimme wings and i'll fly out
[14:24] She: X(
[14:24] She: i wont hire u
[14:24] She: ure rejected
[14:24] Me: :-(
[14:25] Me: ok madam ji.. i'll work
[14:25] Me: i wont run away or fly away
14:25] Me: plzzz i need this job very badly
[14:25] Me: dont reject me
[14:25] She: haan thik hai
[14:25] She: fine
[14:25] She: come to my office...

The text above has been duly edited and abridged, of course, with prior permission from my Boss( well, almost)... ;-)

Still life goes on...

2006-03-15T12:01:00.000+05:30

And i can no longer bear it... insecurity gripping me, silence surrounding me and all of a sudden my heartbeat seemed to be the only thing that creates any noise in the world that i live in...I let go a sigh, just to make some more noise, and then i breath to add some more to it... and then all the silence is shattered as one more wave crashes down, and desperately tries to roll its way down to my feet.. it fails, and in no time the huge body of water pulls the part of water that tried to break away from her back, submissively the wave makes its way back from where it had come from..and the silence is back again.

This isnt the silence that hurts, its an amazingly beautiful silence, that lasts only a moment, but gives the feeling as if it'd been present since forever. Restless as the ocean is, another wave comes by trying to reach the land, maybe it is exhausted rolling and tossing up and down all day, for soo many days, weeks, months...or even more.. this time its a bigger and a stronger one..it tries harder, this time it touches me, drowning my feet in the cold,salty water.. Fervently, it tries to hold on to the land that it has made its way to... but to its dismay, the land betrays him.. it just slips away from beneath it.dejected and deceived, the wave gives up the struggle and silently lets the ocean gallop it..

Deep down inside it thinks " Why do i have to be captured over and over again?? Why cant i be free? why cant i just decide where i have to go? Do i need to be steered and led by the ocean??when will i be free??How much more do i have to struggle,how many more times will i be captured?? Why cant i be like the river, which just flows and keeps flowing, as it pleases to, with noone to lead,it just keeps flowing freely with all its freedom and happiness... What have i done wrong to land up here?? Cant i even get a break from this struggle so that i can rejuvinate myself and be prepared to fight again, maybe in can start afresh, and maybe this time the results may change"...and this just keeps happening.. The waves get restless, create noise and try to break away from the mamoth water body, and the ocean just soo effortlessly balks these plans with soo much silence as if nothing had happened, and everything is all soo very peaceful..

I get up to leave, and suddenly i realise that these waves are soo very like me.. in so many ways.. not just like me, but maybe like you too..maybe like everyone, and everything.. there is just such a strong analogy it has with soo many things..i reach back home, thinkin about all this, go to the bed and lie down.. but i cant sleep.. i remember saying and thinkin of the things that i used to think for so many times " I need a break, i need a change""I have had enough, i cant take this anymore" i also start thinking that thinkin does nothing, but aggravates my pain, and instead of brooding over the things i'd have rather done somethin else... but what?? i dunno.... How many times havent i thought of making a fresh start, taking things from the scrap, just in the hope that thngs would go my way this time... But the fact is, the start has already been made, what has happened cant be changed...and only the future lies in ur hands.. u can never go back and make a good start..Somehow i cant help but think I'm the wave and life is the ocean and the only positive thing i can derive from this is... no matter how many times the wave fails, it never gives up or surrenders to the ocean...
still the struggle goes on, and still life goes on....

Far away for far too long....

2006-03-09T18:15:00.000+05:30

This time, This place
Misused, MistakesToo long,
Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing
ifI don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know
We've been far away for far too long
But you know,
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you and I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go....

Coz we have been far away for far too long...
come here and just hold me,
Coz i need u like i've needed you never before
coz i've seen u in a way like never before
coz i've dreamt of u and me never before..
Coz i've realised that I love you...

I still remember everything...

2006-02-17T11:28:00.000+05:30

I still very much remember everything... how'd i forget...how'd u even imagine that i'd...

PURPOSE OF LIFE: Every moment well spent makes your life worthwhile.

"Life is a big Distraction".
Life certainly is a distraction, and if u choose not to get distracted, you are dead. We are here with a mission, but we need to find it. we need to savour every moment that has been given to us.Most often,we find people brooding about what could have been done or what is going to happen in the future. how many of us take time to enjoy the breeze blowing or thank god for the life he has given us?
Every moment well lived makes life worthwhile. you are here for a reason and if you will let the divine power show you the way, you will see what the reason is. if you continue being worried about yesterday or what you have to tell some friend tommorow, you will never be able to see it.
Today well lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness!!! Do you want to have a life of regrets or would you rather live it a second time by simply going over your memories??? The secret of life is to know who you are and where you are going. You will discover this secret as you proceed through life. You can only be peaceful if you will put your faith in god and allow him to take care of the rest. So all you need to do is,live in the present.Do u see now,why is it called a present???coz...
yesterday was a cancelled cheque,
Tomorrow is a promised note,
Today is cash in hand.

I still remember this, I cant forget this and all the mails that u have send me.. all the ways in which u used to taunt me, irritate me, criticize me, I love those things abt u and I cant forget a thing i cant even forget u, no matter however hard I may try, no matter how hard I try not to miss u but heart in heart I really do. and I know that u don’t but its alright..i know once upon a time u did..and I’ll try to understand..i’ll somehow convince myself to let go..if not totally,I’ll adjust myself to the new circumstances

Once upon a time I had asked for ur frienship..i really don’t know why I did that??its something that just came out..i’m glad it came out..atleast u know what I am looking for,and I don’t regret abt it at all..i don’t want to..regret is the last thing that I’ll do with our relation…
I know as long as u were with me u gave me everything that u could, did everything that u could..
I know that while u were with me we were real friends and u were always happy for all the good things that happened and were always there for me when i needed someone..
I know that u always did whatever was needed to be done..whatever I wanted without cribbing abt any problems though u had many
I know that u always helped me in all the problems that I faced sometimes even without me asking it from u
I know that a thing should only be at the place where it is the most needed.. that’s why u are where I see u now..
I know that we can never be the way we were anytime in the future, and after a couple of weeks when I’ll be gone the distance between us will increase further..
I know I can go on writing this for a long long time…but still I’ll never be able to express what I really wish to..all I can say is for everything that has been and probably is between us I’m thankful for that..i really am..u were with me thru the time I believed in friendship and needed a friend..
All I want to ask of u now is just be in touch with me..of all the things u and I got to do,of these busy schedules if we manage to take the time out and get to talk to each other even once in a while I’ll be happy..

I want to ask u this one question that I might have asked u a million times and never got a satisfactory answer….why do I lose the people I love the most???

Got 10 minutes for your country?

2006-02-09T14:15:00.000+05:30

Got 10 minutes for your country? If yes, then read; otherwise, choice is yours.
YOU say that our government is inefficient.
YOU say that our laws are too old.
YOU say that the municipality does not pick up the garbage.
YOU say that the phones don't work, the railways are a joke,The airline is the worst in the world, mails never reach their destination.
YOU say that our country has been fed to the dogs and is the absolute pits.
YOU say, say and say. What do YOU do about it?

Take a person on his way to Singapore. Give him a name - YOURS. Give him a face - YOURS. YOU walk out of the airport and you are at your Internationalbest. In Singapore you don't throw cigarette butts on the roads or eat in the stores.
YOU are as proud of their Underground links as they are. You pay $5 (approx. Rs. 60) to drive through Orchard Road (equivalent of Mahim Causeway or Pedder Road) between 5 PM and 8 PM.
YOU come back to theparking lot to punch your parking ticket if you have over stayed in a restaurant or a shopping mall irrespective of your status identity... In Singapore you don't say anything, DO YOU?
YOU wouldn't dare to eat in public during Ramadan, in Dubai.
YOU would not dare to go out without yourhead covered in Jeddah.
YOU would not dare to buy an employee of the telephone exchange in London at 10 pounds ( Rs.650) a month to, 'see to itthat my STD and ISD calls are billed to someone else.'
YOU would not dare to speed beyond 55 mph (88 km/h) in Washington and then tell the traffic cop,'Jaanta hai main kaun hoon (Do you know who I am?). I am so and so's son. Take your two bucks and get lost.'
YOU wouldn't chuck an empty coconut shell anywhere other than the garbage pail on the beaches in Australia andNew Zealand.
Why don't YOU spit Paan on the streets of Tokyo?
Why don't YOU use examination jockeys or buy fake certificates in Boston???
We are still talking of the same YOU.
YOU who can respect and conform to a foreign system in other countries but cannot in your own. You who will throw papersand cigarettes on the road the moment you touch Indian ground. If you can be an involved and appreciative citizen in an alien country, why cannot you be the same here in India?Once in an interview, the famous Ex-municipal commissioner of Bombay, Mr. Tinaikar, had a point to make. 'Rich people's dogs are walked on thestreets to leave their affluent droppings all over the place,' he said. 'And then the same people turn around to criticize and blame the authorities for inefficiency and dirty pavements. What do they expect the officers to do? Go down with a broom every time their dog feels thepressure in his bowels?In America every dog owner has to clean up after his pet has done the job. Same in Japan. Will the Indian citizen do that here?' He's right.

We go to the polls to choose a government and after that forfeit all responsibility. We sit back wanting to be pampered and expect the government to doeverything for us whilst our contribution is totally negative. We expect the government to clean up but we are not going to stop chucking garbage all over the place nor are we going to stop to pick a up a stray piece of paper and throw it in the bin. We expect the railways to provide cleanbathrooms but we are not going to learn the proper use of bathrooms.We want Indian Airlines and Air India to provide the best of food and toiletries but we are not going to stop pilfering at the least opportunity.This applies even to the staff who is known not to pass on the service to the public. When it comes to burning social issues like those related to women, dowry, girl child! and others, we make loud drawing room protestations and continue to do the reverse at home. Our excuse? 'It's thewhole system which has to change, how will it matter if I alone forego my sons' rights to a dowry.' So who's going to change the system? What does a system consist of ? Very conveniently for us it consists of our neighbours, other households, other cities, other communities and thegovernment. But definitely not me and YOU. When it comes to us actually making a positive contribution to the system we lock ourselves along with our families into a safe cocoon and look into the distance at countries far away and wait for a Mr.Clean to come along & work miracles for us with amajestic sweep of his hand or we leave the country and run away. Like lazy cowards hounded by our fears we run to America to bask in their glory and praise their system. When New York becomes insecure we run toEngland. When England experiences unemployment, we take the next flight out to the Gulf. When the Gulf is war struck, we demand to be rescued and brought home by the Indian government. Everybody is out to abuse and rape the country.
Nobody thinks of feeding the system. Our conscience is mortgaged to money.

Dear Indians, The article is highly thought inductive, calls for a great deal of introspection and pricks one's conscience too.... I am echoing J. F. Kennedy's words to his fellow Americans to relate to Indians.....'ASK WHAT WE CAN DO FOR INDIA AND DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE TO MAKE INDIA WHAT AMERICA AND OTHER WESTERN COUNTRIES ARE TODAY'
Lets do what India needs from us.
- ABDUL KALAM

She came back...

2006-02-07T20:23:00.000+05:30

She finally contacted me...
20 days of oblivion.. not much, but long enough..
She had dissappeared without a trace..taking away many a thing from my life..
I know things werent all that normal..ok, i'll keep this for some other post..for now, the important things...
She had some dental operation, now she looks pretty different from the way i'd seen her..She say that she lost her long nose, but is looking better now..I still dont understand why the doc's had to chop off your nose, if it was a dental surgery..beats me, i guess thats why its good i didnt become a doctor..but.. It was soo wonderful talkin to you the other day, after such a long time.. i dont quiet have the words to describe how it has changed things soo much..
We might not be in the best of the times..
We might not be what we really wanted to be for each other..
We might not be totally sure of the other persons feelings, thoughts or whatever...
We might not even share what we used to earlier..

but, now i have hope....

My Love..

2006-02-03T17:16:00.000+05:30

My love is like an ocean
It goes down so deep
My love is like a rose
Whose beauty you want to keep.
My love is like a river
That will never end
My love is like a dove
With a beautiful message to send.
My love is like a song
That goes on and on forever
My love is like a prisoner
It's to you that I surrender.

And i know,still it just wouldnt matter...