When you're gone...

When you're gone
Noone will take the place u left behind

When you're gone
I dont know what to do

When you're gone
My memories long for you

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone
My ears long for the voice they are always wanting to hear

When you're gone
My mind is always deceiving me

When you're gone
The face that my eyes know is missing too

When you're gone
noone seems to be talking to me

When you're gone
The words i need to hear to make my day fine are evading me

When you're gone
Is the most lonely that i ever feel

When you're gone
I get lost searching for you

When you're gone
Love transforms to a word from an emotion

When you're gone
I seem to have no plan to get you back

When you're gone
I miss being myself all day long

But its time i face the truth
that i'll never be with you...

hmmmmmmmmm

It was just one of those weeks when all you tend to do is deeply introspect all the things happening in your life and realise with a deep sigh that all those not-so-nice temporary things are actually pretty bad in the long run.

The last few days before this week were going pretty fine..Office was hectic, but i was managing my MBA application essays and stuff by waking uptill the wee hours..something that i am pretty used to by now...Is this my strength that i can fit into my essays!!! But then suddenly i start falling back into my past and the depths of what had to be left untouched.. Dont blame me!! The MBA essays are such that they require you to introspect...the only thing that i did wrong is digress... Anyways i'm used to handling stuff..and i did...but the thing that bothered me the most was that my life currently also seems to be heading towards the disaster of what had happened earlier...and i just dont know how to stop it..

I'm away from the few people who care for me...they have got used to living without me...and all i do is play a cameo in there life's story right now..My frnds circle constantly changes which i hate totally. I am not accustomed to it either.. I have a relationship that seems to be fading...i just keep getting more busy with the never-ending stuff at office and all the rest of the time goes into my applications..With hardly any time to spare, i wonder where we'r heading to?? I wish u hang on and things stay as they are now...

I dont understand why the sudden and unexpectedly very happy and gala weekends end up me feeling like this..Is the flood of happiness experienced for those couple of hours worth the days of depressing thoughts that keep flying into my head and seem to bounce perennially inside. It seems there is nothing like the coefficient of friction inside me..What a PJ!!! If you laughed looking at this then something is def wrong with you...and i laughed *Sigh* Dont worry...this must be another stupid PJ of mine!!

Question 1) I dont understand what i am doing in Chennai??
Question 2) Why have i not asked the first question earlier??
Question 3) Why do i end up having only long distance relationships?? Cant i get to have someone i love near me??
Question 5) Why am i struggling soo hard for the promotion that has already been rejected by my manager?? Why do i not remve myself from this phase of self torture of writing java code all day when i have an over enthusiatic team mate who would want to finish up all the coding assignments of Cognizant if she could?

Maybe i'm thinking a lot...many people always ask me not to...but i end up doing this all the time..but i guess the catalyst this time was the Vodka i had for the weekend!!! (Just tried to end a dull and depressing post on a bright and funny note...but re-reading it makes me feel it sucks anyways...just like the title)

iNtRoSpEcTiOn

Yes, its been a long time..since i've added anything meaningful or substantial here..Not that i didn have anything to write, i just didn have any time..After my GMAT (yesss!!!! i cracked it, despite all the things that tried pulling me down) whenever i close my eyes and think about myself the only images of myself that come to me are those of the things that i do in office..coding, coding and more coding..Fortunately or unfortunately i have moved from the role of a documenter to that of a programmer.

Moving on..I've been wanting to learn more dance..Salsa was awesome..and i want more..Many people, including my mom ask me why..Just one reason.."I LOVE DANCING"..and this is one thing that keeps me human, amidst the hectic schedule and never-ending deliverables.Also, this is an activity where i get to meet people from various walks of life and i've made many acquiantances. I had never realised a thing till very recently.About 95% of my frnds are engineers :-O. This number might look staggering on the face of it, but this has gota lot to do with the fact that i was more open to the relation called frienship after my schooling. I dont regret that because even though i might have had a handful of friends then, they were the best i could have. Now, i guess with the changing times, even the meaning and the context of a relationship has changed drastically..Earlier it used to take people weeks or even months to know the people in the same locality and today people make friends in chatrooms, orkut, facebook...I have no problem with any of those means if the underlying values of the relation are what they ought to be. I know i've digressed ay too much in this post. This is what happens when you are out of touch with writing.

Coming back to me..Right now i'm just browsing through different schools that i had considered joining..and the more i seem to research the schools the more i get confused about making a choice..Apart from that there are loads of other things that have to be taken care of..Unfortunately and fortunately the selection process at the international b-schools is very different from the procedure followed in India. Unfortunately coz i can get rejected by all the schools i apply to despite having an excellent GMAT score. Fortunately coz i can beat the strongest of the applicants with a greater and superior work-ex by writing really good essays and applying early. The only thing that i like is the fact that the schools admit people, not the scores, which is not the case in India.
I hope i can get a bit more selective about the schools i'd like to join so that i can concentrate my energies on those schools instead of just publishing essays and sending them to all the schools. One thing i am sure of...i'm def gonna apply to one among Harvard/Stanford/Wharton..I know my chances are next to zero, if not null in making it to these schools, but i'd like to find that out.. Someone has very rightly said " Only people who dont need the brand of H/S/W are the one's who get admitted". Now, i'd like to find out what happens to people who desperately want a brand like that to their profile.

Signing off for now...More laters, if i get the time that is..

P.S: People who regularly read my blog, might find this post..esp the last but one para a bit out of place..But it is there for the right reasons: someone will benefit from them.

Oye Pappe!!!

A couple of friends had gone to Delhi. They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old sardar, and boys being boys, they began cracking sardarji jokes, just to insinuate the old man. But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed.

At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid up the hire-charges. The sardar returned the change. Moreover, he gave each one of them one rupee extra and said( in Hindi , of course) ''son, since morning you have been telling sardarji jokes. I listened to them all and let me tell you, some of them were in a very bad taste. Still, I don't mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to see the world. But I have just one request. Here I am giving you one rupee each. Give it to the first sardar beggar that you come across in this city."

After several days, my friends still had that one rupee coin with them. they couldn't find a single sardar begging on the streets of Delhi.

Food For Thought: The point i'm trying to make is though we all love sardar jokes, but we ought to respect the fact that Sikhs are one of the most prosperous and diversified communities in the world. The secret behind their universal success, according to me , is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication.. A sardar will drive a truck or set up a roadside garage or a dhaba, but he will never beg on the streets.

So, next time you crack a joke on any sardar or forward a mail full of Pj's about them... Do so and enjoi it too but are you just going to pass a joke or a long forwarded mails of sardar jokes, or are you even going to try and bring your own community on par with theirs?

Btw, Happy Birthday Subbu

I wanted to wish u earlier, but by the time i reached office today it was way past 2 for you...and i've been trying to call u from office, but its not going thru..anyways will try agan before i leave for home..I went to ur Orkut profile, only to find every other tom, dick and harry wishing u there...not wanting my wishes to get lost amidst all that spamming, i'm wishing you here :-) (this spamming is another reason why i dont post my bday on orkut)

My b'day

I’m not the kind of person who has big bashes and grandiose celebrations for a b’day, but I’m also not the kind who can bear all the weird things happening in and around and act as if everything’s just fine and things are going great. I need people around me..I need good friends..I don’t know where and when it all started to go wrong, but the number of people on my list of friends has plummeted to an all time low, my social presence is almost Nil and the progress towards my targets is nothing short of zilch.

If I could just go back and change…WTF!!! I’ve not lived all long just to keep going back…
I don’t want to go back…I just want to know why the people who were so close have suddenly moved so far away…I don’t even seem to understand them anymore.. in fact it feels a bit weird talking to the same guys.. they no longer sound the same.. but who is to be blamed.. I would readily accept all of it if things could be set right again (I know they can be)..Its not like when I go to hyderabad, I acccidently bump into them at some mall or movie and we feel like stangers..I call them up and we talk as if everythng is normal and going great..but we just never spend time together..actually we do, but its soo less..and i just love those moments...In fact whatever time I’ve spent with them in Hyd has been totallyamazing…and I know the times we spend together will always be memorable and fun-filled…

But, its just that they are all soo held up all the time..they just tend to forget me as soon as i step out of Hyd..i become a nobody till my next trip..some even don’t have the time to pick up my calls..let aside returning my calls..They always have some excuses for not meeting me..for not staying in touch..for not doing small thngs…only if I were more important for them to make me as a reason than use an excuse against me (this sentence is grammatically wrong..but I am soo bugged with sentence correction that I wantedly make mistakes in a word document and feel happy when MS word fails to detect them..)

I realized this yesterday evening when I was all alone, not knowing what to do..I have had the most boring and the most uneventful b’day’s of my life this year..No gifts, no cakes..no treats…My life is soo monotonous that sometimes I feel that I am stuck in a recursive for loop perennially.. I need a break;

@Harini: Thanks a lot for going out and celebrating my bday…I don’t mind that u didn call back..but in the 53 seconds conversation that we had yesterday evening, you had more enthusiasm than I had it in my entire day…How was the Chinese khana btw??

@Goks: Thanks a lot for ur profile and messages on orkut (thanks to orkut too)

@Rajni: I’m sorry to be so unfair with you…I know how u wanted yday to be and everything just turned out the opposite…Sorry again..but you don’t have a choice but put up with me anyways..”I am like this only” :P

@Rest: Thanks a lot for calling up and wishing me…and sorry for sounding soo low and weird (I have a throat infection which makes me sound like HR I guess)